Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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