we have pet lesbian snakes
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
