Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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