she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm always down for nudity.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
