My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
