I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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