his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So squirting runs in the family.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
