dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there is glitter all over my balls
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