I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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