You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
