please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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