I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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