So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
