Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
