i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
