I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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