FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize