Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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