apparently the secret to your success is patron
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
