my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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