thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
