I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
