Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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