I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize