Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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