Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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