I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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