your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
