He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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