after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
