im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
