I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize