to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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