can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
