I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
