I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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