I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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