If that was your dad, he is hot
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
