My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
