The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
