There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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