We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize