omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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