so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
