Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize