My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
