he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
