he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
