I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
