do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
