I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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