I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
