What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
