She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
