So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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