I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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