halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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