Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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