I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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