I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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