i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
