I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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