is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
