I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
