you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
