um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
