His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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